huge toilet room
An Open Letter to Bob Drake, Mayor of Beaverton, Oregon
From Julia Girardi, Resident of Dekalb, Illinois.
It has been brought to my attention--and to the attention of others--that upon (what I am assuming had been) a thorough search throughout local areas of business including (but not exclusive to) card shops, drug stores, and the like, it would seem to be the case that there are no postcards for purchase that have, emblazoned upon their forefronts, the sights and interests of the fair city that you have been elected to represent.
Now, I've never been one to "rock the boat," as the old saying goes, but I am deeply troubled by this apparent fact and would like for you to hear me out on a few ideas and suggestions.
After looking through your projected budget reports, I am deeply concerned that financing for the production and manufacture of postcards depicting the pleasant, local scenes of Beaverton is not present. While I am well aware that there are, indeed, other matters to attend to that come close--if not (in some rare circumstances) equal the importance of flooding the shelves of local shops and businesses with postcards, the fact that the matter of postcards in their entirety have been left out completely is, in my opinion, absolutely disgusting. Below are some alterations to your present budget that I believe you may find useful in trying to work towards a solution that solves the present postcard woes from which, both citizenry and visitors of Beaverton alike, are suffering.
At first glance, I am immediately appalled and taken aback by the $1,140,000 assigned to beautify Hall Boulevard and Watson Avenue. Everyone knows that both Hall and Watson are historical monuments in themselves, and the current state of this Boulevard and Avenue, respectively, reflects their deep-seeded past that is both enriched with the soil of tradition and watered with the oil of progress. Changing these sites, or "beautifying" as you so put it, would ruin the quaint charm that is now present in these locales, and mask their historical importance with cheap facades and tacky trimmings.
My suggestion? Use that $1,140,000 to create postcards of Hall Boulevard and Watson Avenue, proclaiming: "Come visit Hall Boulevard and Watson Avenue!" Take into account, dear sir, that the simplest solution to a problem is usually the best.
Moving on, I would also like to comment on the grossly bloated Storm Drain Fund that is, pun intended, draining the city of otherwise valuable postcard-resources.
Storm water capacity quality projects takes up $125,600--and I'll be the first to admit that when you lay your priorities down on the table, the quality of stormdrains should be at the top of the list. What bothers me, however, is the projected costs of storm water capacity quantity projects, coming in around $116,000. Now, I don't have a fancy degree in stormdrains, nor do I know how to organize a project, but I have always lived by the motto that it's quality that counts, not quantity. May I suggest then, good mayor, that before you go off and flood your fair city with a suffocating amount of stormdrains, that you instead carefully place singular stormdrains, of the highest quality, in strategic locations where they could do the most value when concerning the drainage of said storms?
If this old fashioned but level-headed advice is taken into account, you would then have another $116,000 to go towards postcards.
But enough of this robotic budget talk--let's get to the human heart of the matter: People like to send and receive postcards. Sure, I can hear you saying: "But Beaverton is just a suburb of Portland--why would anyone want to purchase and send postcards from here?" Well I'll tell you what mister, you have a mild to severe case of being "out of touch with the public." I understand how sitting at your huge desk all day can limit the amount of time that you actually spend with the citizenry at large--it can and does happen to even the best mayors--but it's not too late to nip this problem in a bud, and doing just that creates a win/win situation: The public gets the postcards they so demand and your popularity skyrockets as a direct result.
Let me then suggest to you a couple of sites that, after a bit of research, I feel deserve to be celebrated in postcard-form and, more importantly, why:
The Beaverton City Library: What better way to promote your city than by having the centerpiece of progress and education for your fair city put onto the face of a postcard and sent through the mail?
Hall Boulevard and Watson Avenue: Well, no need to state the obvious now, right?
So as you can see, Mr. Drake, not only does Beaverton deserve a collection of postcards baring its name and likeness, but it is of the highest level of importance that Beaverton gets postcards bearing its name and likeness. The people of your city demand it and, more importantly, I demand it.
By following the above advice, the yet-to-be-created Beaverton Postcard Commission has base funds totaling around $1,256,000--and while this doesn't come anywhere close to fulfilling the postcard demands now in place, it's a start.
If, throughout all of the evidence put forth, you still refuse to work postcards into the city budget, then I am sorry to say that I will personally wage a low-brow smear-campaign during the next election with the singular intent of having you and your cronies removed from office. I hope, and pray, it will not have to come to that.
With best regards towards a postcardy future,